Jul 23, 202212 min read

Is He A Knight, King Or Emperor? Part I

Updated: Nov 26

If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong. ☥ ☥ Masaru Emoto ☥

This post is not gender specific, and it's not just for the ladies. However, the appropriate title was simply too long:

Is He/She/They ☥ Are You A Page, Knight, King/Queen/Monarch or Emperor/Empress/Sovereign?

I'm leading with the masculine in this post because I'm attempting to raise awareness around social issues that we need to change because they are detrimental to his/their personal growth ☥ development and cause exponential ripple effects that will continue to perpetuate harm until we make a series of course corrections. I highly recommend that you study this blog at least annually to track if/how your understanding of the concepts have evolved. I was reflecting on a conversation that I had with an extremely perceptive Acupuncturist. He had become a monk for seven years and then decided to get married and have a family. I was fascinated with his experiences of living as a monk. I asked him all kinds of questions about different aspects of monkhood, but in the middle of my queries, he paused me. And then ... he leveled me:

So tell me more about what it was actually like to live as a monk. How were your days structured?

"Phyllis, stop. I became a monk because I was on a Spiritual quest. You are interested in becoming a monk because you are disappointed in men."

I was so stunned. I felt like he had stripped me naked in front of crowd of 100,000 people. How did he know? How could he tell? I didn't say anything to him about my perceptions of men or the single life. But he pegged me, and he was dead on. In fact, I had considered becoming a monk because I love the Spiritual path. I dated sporadically with years passing between intervals of dating. I felt complete within myself and my life, but my frustration with the maturity of men that I met was high. I wasn't sure that I could continue attempting to date. It didn't help that I was living in New Mexico at the time, where the percentage of Black ☥ Immigrant People were at about 3% of the population in the towns. Indigenous People, many of whom lived on Pueblo land, make up about 11% of the population. I had moved to New Mexico to isolate myself from co-dependent family issues and explore holistic health. I was so exhausted and burned out that I wasn't sure if I wanted any friends at all, let alone a boyfriend. However, after a few years, I found myself on that fence of continuing to hope to find the right man or becoming a monk.

Life would have been so much easier if I understood the difference between a Page, Knight, King and Emperor.

Muscular Black man — Is he a Knight, King or Emperor? Look into his eyes. Observe his face. Do the emotions on his face reflect the confidence of his sculpted body? Physical fitness is an important part of our self-care routine that can help us to cultivate discipline, but it becomes an overcompensation to mask our pain when it is the source of our confidence.

Confidence is a quality that many people struggle to cultivate within themselves. Somehow, our understanding of confidence got entangled with this concept of the so-called Alpha. The Alpha is a cheap imitation of what we truly aspire to be. It's no coincidence that "Alpha" is a Greek letter because the Ancient Greeks were exceptional at the art of cultural appropriation of the Kamitians (Ancient Egyptians). As an example, which names do you recognize? Auset (the Goddess Of Alchemy) or isis (Greek appropriation of Auset)? Ausar (God Of Transformation ☥ Our Ancestors) or osiris (Greek appropriation of Ausar)? Did you know about the West African deities Shango (God Of Thunder, who carried an axe and could summon lightning) or Ogun (God Of Metal ☥ Iron)? Many superheroes that we see in comics/TV/movies bear striking resemblances to the Gods ☥ Goddesses of Africa ☥ India ☥ China, yet few, if any are portrayed as Black ☥ Indigenous ☥ Immigrant People.

Even to this day, Black sororities and fraternities are represented with Greek symbols (some fraternities require that members brand their bodies with a Greek letter), unaware of the gross injustices inflicted upon their ancestors by the Ancient Greeks - yet another display of the power of social conditioning. Because the legacies of Black ☥ Indigenous ☥ Immigrant People have been unapologetically stolen and appropriated, the Emperor ☥ Empress ☥ Sovereign (EES) person is an example of an appropriate title to accurately represent the inner qualities, such as confidence, that we are truly striving for. We are all EES in potential, but we have to grow through the stages of physical ☥ mental ☥ emotional development to activate it from within - through a rite of passage ceremony ☥ via spiritual growth, often resulting from a desire to heal trauma. Indigenous People hold such vital wisdom that we often overlook. I urge you to watch the video below on the Apache rite of passage ceremony for girls.

Before colonization, our Indigenous cultures created rite of passage ceremonies for children to transition into adulthood. Though each culture handles the process differently, they all seem to include some universal strategies such as:

☥ A challenge to face fears ☥ a test of courage

☥ A test of strength ☥ endurance ☥ emotional resilience

☥ Knowledge of one's history ☥ culture ☥ legacy

☥ Knowledge of how to live in ☥ cultivate a healthy community

☥ Specific skills ☥ training needed to be a mature ☥ successful adult

Our colonizers forced us into suppressing these qualities in order to assert their power and sustain a delusion of superiority. The tragedy in this phenomenon is that if our colonizers would connect with their inner power, they would be too happy and fulfilled to need a superiority complex. So, we were stripped of our rituals ☥ language and forced to adopt their cultural norms or an integrated, watered down version of a ritual that was stolen from us. As a result, many of us do not go through any form of "test" or "training" to help us prepare for adulthood, an important root cause of our lack of maturity and difficulty with overcoming trauma. We've paid a heavy price including:

☥ A wealth of emotional ☥ mental imbalances such as narcissism, sexual perversion, etc.

☥ Difficulty in cultivating and maintaining trust in relationships

☥ Weaponizing children by intentionally getting pregnant to "trap" a mate or sabotage a

relationship, being dishonest about the child's paternity or using the child to

manipulate a mate

☥ Cultural ignorance of self ☥ others leading to self-loathing, prejudice, etc.

☥ An unwillingness to have intelligent ☥ difficult conversations

☥ Moving through life on "default mode," rarely questioning thoughts ☥ improving

behaviors

☥ Though the statistics vary, when we look at the countries that have the highest

divorce rates in the world, which includes America, we see that the top 15 countries

are primarily European or heavily colonized. The Ancient Africans who migrated to

China were ethnically cleansed. Although a few Asian countries made the top 15 in

some studies, no African countries made it into the top 25. From the time that

Europeans arrived in what we now call America, they actively promoted and legalized

rape (until 1865), sold their own children with the people they enslaved for profit and

had no respect for the sanctity of marriage between themselves or the people they

enslaved. After 1865, our colonizers found other ways to continue their behavior.

Whenever a memory resurfaces and lingers with me, I take it as a sign from Spirit that I must share the story with you. I was working with a non-profit organization who hosted a local convening for Black ☥ Indigenous community leaders, most of whom were male. During our ice breaker activity, we stood in a circle and each leader shared something about ourselves that people may not know. If what the leader said applied to someone else in the circle, that person would step into the circle and say, “Just like me!” For example, one Black male leader said that he was born in September and several of us jumped into the circle to say, “Just like me!” There was only one white woman present. When it was her turn to speak, she said “My name is _____ and I can touch my nose with my tongue.” She proceeded to stick out her tongue and demonstrate her ability. There was a nervous chuckle, along with some uncomfortable chatter that rippled throughout the circle. I made eye contact with the person standing next to her and they quickly jumped in to keep the activity from being derailed. During our break, I talked to the head of the organization to see how we would handle her inappropriate behavior, but he cautioned me that she worked for a large funder and was there to learn and potentially find projects that her organization could support with grants. He said that it was a minor infraction, so we needed to let it slide. The blatant lack of respect for Black ☥ Indigenous ☥ Immigrant People extends far beyond marriage, and we are often placed in situations where we could suffer negative consequences for speaking the truth ☥ requiring professionalism. Corruption begins with minor infractions that we let slide.

Young biracial male — Page is a medieval term for a young person who is training to become a Knight. For our purposes, the Page represents the first stage of personal development. The Page needs nurturing ☥ guidance ☥ support. They thrive when surrounded with people who will help them to be themselves ☥ explore ☥ discover their unique gifts ☥ talents.

If what I am is what's in me Then I'll stay strong - that's who I'll be And I will always be the best 'Me' that I can be ... ☥ ☥ will.i.am ☥ From The Song, 'What I Am' ☥

With all of this in mind, let's take a healing journey through these vital stages of development. The stages could have many titles, but I'm using titles of royalty that are commonly understood because many of us have survived the loss of our legacies. These qualities are not gender specific, but I've included the masculine ☥ feminine ☥ gender non-conforming titles to help us connect with the archetypes. The purpose of this blog is not to incite judgment of self ☥ others, but to promote compassion ☥ understanding ☥ self-awareness/correction ☥ elevation of consciousness. As we explore the stages of development, let's remember that the ages are a guide. They are not definitive. We must all grow through each stage and take the time to look within ourselves to see where we may need additional healing.

☥ 0 ~ 14 years old = The Page. The Page is innocent and open. He/She/They has

infinite potential but doesn't understand how the world works and, without the proper guidance, can easily be manipulated. If left unresolved, trauma occurring at this stage

of life can alter the Page's trajectory and can cause emotional suppression for both

acceptance and as a coping mechanism because they don't know how to heal.

In order to graduate to the Knight stage, the Page must:

☥ Become aware of ☥ learn appropriate behavior for/not be ashamed of or suppress

the 13 natural urges (the urge to sleep, eat, drink water, cry, sneeze, yawn, urinate,

defecate, flatulate, ejaculate/orgasm, belch, breathe).

☥ Become aware of quirks ☥ behaviors that make them "different" from others. Explore

☥ embrace these differences. These are the emerging clues ☥ signs ☥ evidence of a

person's unique gifts ☥ talents.

Body image and self-consciousness develops during the Page stage. Females are particularly sensitive to other peoples' perception of them, making this an excellent time to teach them how to tap into their inner voice ☥ power. What if we helped them to understand that their body will go through a number of changes in a way that was fun ☥ exciting ☥ empowering instead of riddled with fear of the unknown and judgment?

What Is The Process Of Healing?

☥ The Page must garner a basic understanding of the process of healing which includes:

☥ Initial shock, pain and sting of the trauma

☥ Acceptance, acute action to, for example, stop bleeding/prevent secondary

injuries, demystify ☥ heal emotions, etc.

☥ The experiencing ☥ processing of pain; pain as an indication that healing is

occurring; learn how to say out loud how you feel (i.e. use a tool to help

you process emotions, etc.)

☥ Application of the remedy (i.e. bandage, ice pack, breathing exercise, etc.)

☥ Ongoing therapy to facilitate healing (i.e. journaling, art therapy, counseling,

Qigong, etc.)

When pain/trauma occurs, recognize ☥ accept it as a temporary occurrence that requires healing and implement the process of healing as a first response.

It is vitally important that children understand (through self-awareness, practice, consistent reminders, etc.) that we sometimes feel pain in our body, mind or heart. Remember, children lack life experience so we must explicitly explain what a pain in our heart is and assure them that, after some time, it will pass. We can then focus their attention on the process of healing as the tool that helps them to move through the experience. If children understood this on a very basic level, they would learn to focus on the remedy instead of developing an unhealthy habit of fearing pain. The process of healing takes the drama out of the trauma and guides children through inspired actions that help them to transcend pain, gain wisdom, normalize ☥ develop a habit of seeking solutions ☥ cultivate confidence.

This is especially important for male children. Imagine being blindfolded, spun around until you're dizzy and thrown in a dark room. You're told that there is a way out and you must find it on your own. This is what it is like for males to figure out emotional expression. Because of a number of factors, including the combination of testosterone, estrogen and other hormones, males don't as easily understand the reasons behind or the source of the strong sensations that occur within them - nor do they initially connect the feelings to what we call emotions (this connection is usually innate for the females ☥ gender non-conforming, but we have to be intentional about helping males to make this connection ☥ understand that these "feelings" are normal during the Page stage). They may have a strong feeling that they are unable to pinpoint or define which makes healthy emotional expression extremely difficult (and terrifying as a young child) without a roadmap. It's sort of like feeling something moving inside you without knowing if it is a part of you or a foreign invader. Imagine how overwhelming that must feel to a child. I've heard parents complain that boys are too sensitive, because they don't realize what their son is going through (often because the parents are also Pages/Knights who had parents who were Pages/Knights). When he cries, we immediately shame and shut him down. This forces young males to adapt quickly by suppressing their fears and causes them to act out in other ways.

We socialize males to stuff what they are feeling, tell them that 'big boys don't cry' and they should 'man up' without training or an understanding of what it is/takes to be a man. In the holistic world, we consider this to be a severe form of emotional child abuse. If there is no rite of passage or tools to facilitate spiritual growth for a male, no understanding of manhood ☥ emotions and no way to connect with or express the self, how do we expect them to heal?

In order for the Page to process emotions they must (these lessons also need to be integrated into their "rite of passage" training):

☥ Learn how to express out loud how they are feeling inside. This includes cultivating the

courage to speak their personal truth even if/in the midst of a hostile environment.

☥ Learn that people will not always want to hear what they say, but they still need to

speak their truth, even if it means writing a letter that is never delivered.

☥ Learn how to put a name to what they are feeling and learn healthy outlets for

frustration and anger such as breathing exercises, Qigong, Yoga, Martial Arts, jogging,

boxing, sketching and going for a hike in nature to “walk it out.”

☥ An understanding of what temptation is, how it feels inside, the ways that it plays with

our mind and the costs of succumbing to it. At the same time we need to teach the

Page practices like Qigong and Yoga to help them learn how to recognize and gain

control of physical sensations within their body, strategies for resisting temptation and

instant gratification (helps to prevent physical and psychological manipulation).

We often put the Page in situations that force them to be manipulative in order to get what they want. Now is the time to recognize that their behavior is a reflection of a dynamic that we set up so that we can make the correction within ourselves.

This is a great time to teach the wisdom of waiting, perhaps by planting seeds in a

garden or having them eat food (i.e. muffin, pie, something that will not make them sick

etc.) before it is ready so that they have an understanding of the time it takes to create

or achieve something.

It is during the Page stage that a child discovers their gender identity or that they are gender non-conforming. It is absolutely essential that we support children through this process with love ☥ acceptance of who they are exactly as they are. Children are not here to fulfill our parental fantasies. Parents who infect their children with fantasies of who they want their children to be, are codependent or who live out their lives through their children are often driven by unresolved trauma. They may have been teenaged parents who got stuck in and live out their lives as Pages. It took me many years to recover from being an adult child. Those of us who do not recover will perpetuate generational harm by remaining stuck (getting married, having children, etc.) in the Page stage. Our job as parents is to acknowledge ☥ heal our trauma so that we can help children to realize their potential and support their growth process.

My self-care journey ☥ many years of working very closely with men and boys helped me to crack these codes, which opened up a deep sense of compassion from within me. It also helped me to make sense of my own pain in relationships and drives me to do all I can to help us reach a higher level of understanding so that we can self-correct ASAP.

Continue with me on a profound journey of self-discovery through the stages of development. Part II dives deep into the Knight → King ☥ Queen ☥ Monarch → Emperor ☥ Empress ☥ Sovereign. Uncover your inner strength and potential.

Is He A Knight, King or Emperor? Part II